Mandy Mikulencak

Category: Blog

  • Voices in Your Head Besides Your Own

    Wally Lamb, author of “She’s Come Undone,” writes from the perspective of Dolores, an obese, isolated young woman who attempts suicide during her first semester in college and spends seven years in a mental institution.

    There’s a lot more to the book but my point is that Wally is a man, writing from a woman’s perspective about rape, eating disorders, a ticking biological clock and more. Not once when I was reading the book did I think, “This is a guy trying to sound like a woman.” Dolores’ voice rang true throughout.

    This brings me to the assumption that writers write what they know. Many beginning writers do because it’s easier to draw from personal experiences when first trying to craft a story. Many start with memoirs because they’ve been comfortable journaling for a large part of their lives – and let’s face it, our childhoods provide a lot of material.

    But writers also step into the lives of people completely unlike themselves and tell rich, complex stories from the viewpoint of another sex, race, sexual orientation, age, or species!

    One of my novels is about Cissy, a 16-year-old girl in South Mississippi in the late 1960s who shoots her father five times in the back for sexually abusing her for 10 years. I’ve never been to Biloxi. My father didn’t sexually assault me. I’ve never been institutionalized in a state mental hospital.

    I hear Cissy’s voice in my head, clearer than most of the voices in my head (kidding). Seriously though, my goal is that Cissy will speak to my readers, that her story will stand on its own and that my contribution is providing a vehicle for her voice.

  • Eat Bon-Bons for a Living

    I’m a big believer of sending out intentions to the universe and being very specific about what you want. I wanted more time to write, I asked for more time to write, and before I knew it, there was a flurry of gifts from the universe that allowed me to do just that.

    “The universe is giving me what I asked for!” I wanted to shout to everyone I knew.

    I wasn’t prepared for the lukewarm and sometimes negative responses to my news of going part-time so I could concentrate at least 20-24 hours a week on the novels and other writing. And these responses were from friends!

    “In this economy? What are you thinking?!”
    “I wish I had that luxury!”
    “I wish I didn’t have to work.”

    To that last comment, I wrote my friend and said, “I’m not going to be eating bon-bons on my days off. I’m treating this as a real job. I’m going to get up and sit at my desk and write.”

    I recently saw a talk by author Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) on TED. If you haven’t seen it, WATCH IT NOW! She speaks to the fear-based reactions that writers often get from friends and family:
    Aren’t you afraid you won’t make any money?
    Aren’t you afraid you won’t be successful?
    Aren’t you afraid the humiliation of rejection will kill you?

    Gilbert asks “Is it logical to be afraid of doing the work you were put on this earth to do?”

    She’s often asked what she will do if her next book isn’t as successful as Eat, Pray, Love. Gilbert admitted it will likely not be as successful as her “freakish first success.” But she was going to keep getting up each and every day to write because that’s her job.

    And that’s what you’ll find me doing on Mondays and Fridays – writing, doing my job, showing up. Although bon-bons do sound pretty good right about now…

  • Forcing Inspiration

    Since I haven’t stated it in earlier blogs, I do marketing and communications work as a remote employee for Goodwill Industries International, which is located in Maryland. I didn’t mention it because work was going to stay separate from my writing life. Yeah, right.

    Friday was my first full day off under the new part-time work schedule and I blew it. Thought I’d be up and writing by 7:30 a.m. My mistake was checking my work email ON MY DAY OFF. There were two urgent messages. If I responded I’d be setting a precedent that work could encroach on my writing days. If I didn’t, we’d miss a deadline to submit comments on a joint communications project with a federal government agency.

    I caved and did about an hour’s worth of work. Then I got angry. At myself mostly. I convinced myself I was too riled up to work on one of my novels, so I decided to clean the cat box, then vacuum, then clean the kitchen countertops, then pay the bills.

    My husband, Andy, said it will take some time to develop a structure for my writing schedule and not to force it.

    This afternoon, as Andy watched college football, I curled up in bed with my cat and my laptop. When I finally took a bathroom break, I realized I had been writing for more than two hours.

    I guess inspiration can’t be forced into an 8-5 schedule and I didn’t blow it on Friday after all.

  • Smother the Inner Critic and Listen to the Smart Ones

    I’m my own worst critic. I know that. I’ve always known that. But I’ve devoted a good deal of time nurturing a voice that stifles the critic or at least drowns it out. They really go at it some days:

    • Critic: You’re not that great a writer.
    • Champion: You’re a GREAT writer.
    • Critic: You’ll never make a living at it.
    • Champion: You can achieve anything you want.
    • Critic: Get a sensible job.
    • Champion: Do what you love.

    You can see why I feel a bit schizophrenic at times. My goal is to completely smother the critic voice one day but I’m realistic. That voice will always be there. However, I choose to surround myself with people who support me and my dreams without judgment, but who can offer positive criticism on my writing.

    During the writer’s retreat I attended in August, I signed up for 30 minutes with a literary agent. She read 10 pages of my novel-in-progress and gave me her first impressions…which weren’t very positive. I didn’t cry, or panic and throw out the novel. I gave myself some time to process the comments and then I emailed my friends for support.

    My dear friend Katrina in Mississippi (who regularly reads and critiques my work) wrote back: “F*** her! She’s wrong! Your writing makes me weep! It will find a home somewhere!” Then she calmed down and wrote: “Sometimes critics who have 99% of it wrong have the 1% right that can be pivotal.” She’s so smart.

    The writing life entails rejection. The trick is to be open to the criticism and not shut down. Let’s ferret out the nuggets of truth that will help us become better at our craft. More importantly, let’s not allow our own fears and judgments to sabotage our efforts.

    P.S. Irene, a writer I met at the retreat, said she places her rejection letters in a file titled “Not Yet.” What a great outlook to have.

  • Shine a Light on the Shadow Artist

    About 15 years ago, my brother gave me a book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I browsed through it and thought, “Eh, not for me. Too woo-woo.” I gave that copy away only to buy another one 10 years later. Flipped through the table of contents again, and thought, “Nah, too busy for those damn morning pages.” Gave away that copy, too.

    Then, about six weeks ago, my friend Mindy emailed and asked if I’d like to read The Artist’s Way and meet weekly to discuss our challenges or insights. I was moved that she trusted me with this kind of process and I jumped at the chance for self-exploration. After all, I had taken other steps to get in touch with the creativity I thought I had lost (or misplaced). It seemed a natural fit.

    I bought the book for a THIRD time. When I opened it up, I screamed, “She wrote this just for me!” I kept underlining and circling parts that resonated. After marking up the book considerably, I admitted that it ALL resonated.

    Today, though, I want to share the powerful concept of the shadow artist because it can be applied to almost anyone. Shadow artists often choose shadow careers, those close to the art but not the art itself. Someone might open a gallery instead of painting, or become an agent instead of an actor. In my case, I chose to be a journalist and nonprofit writer/editor instead of a fiction writer. It’s easier to sit on the periphery than to follow a dream. We stifle an inner voice that tries to remind us of those activities that make us most happy, most fulfilled.

    Am I encouraging you to quit your job as a pharmacist, lawyer, teacher or retail clerk? Absolutely not. Why not start with shining a light on your shadow artist and making small but meaningful steps toward reclaiming your creativity. Sign up for a photography class or art lessons. Make your own greeting cards. Perfect the chocolate souffle. Stencil a border in your bathroom.

    Committing to being a fiction writer was the most powerful gift I ever gave myself. I’ve learned those inner voices have a lot to say.

  • A Thrilling, Frightening New Path

    Some time ago, I ran across a quote by Lao-tzu that hit me like a ton of bricks. “At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” I immediately e-mailed it to several friends. My wise friend Wendy wrote back and asked, “What’s the answer?” Without hesitation, I responded, “I must write.”

    This statement needs clarification. I’ve been a writer my entire life, starting as a journalist and then serving as a writer/editor for national and international nonprofits for 20 years. In October 2008, something shifted. I have enjoyed most of my career, but it has left me exhausted and burned out. I rarely had time for personal (non work-related) writing — and most attempts were prompted by profound life experiences such as a family member’s death or some insight gained in therapy.

    In October 2008, that changed. One morning, I woke up and began creative writing again, words spilling out almost beyond my control. I couldn’t type fast enough. It was almost as if I were taking dictation from a belligerent muse.

    Having never attempted a novel-length work, I started two pieces of fiction at the same time. I also began writing personal essays and pitching magazine articles to editors again. What the heck was going on?

    Next, I started putting “intentions” out to the universe (in the form of Post-It notes on my bulletin board): Attend a writer’s retreat. Finish the novel by Dec. 31, 2009. Start or join a local writers’ group. Get accepted to Hedgebrook 2010. Write for fun. Writing is a calling, not a hobby.

    A year later, I’ve made some serious steps toward living a writer’s life.

    • I negotiated a part-time job with my employer so I can write more.
    • I attended a writers’ retreat for women sponsored by A Room of Her Own Foundation. (Check this out — it will change your life!)
    • I applied for a one-month writer’s residency in 2010 at Hedgebrook (selections take place in December).
    • I formed a local writers’ group where four amazing women meet twice monthly to critique each other’s novels in progress.
    • I write for fun!
    • I was so inspired by short story writer Pamela Painter that I am writing some flash fiction and LOVE IT.
    • I just had my first piece of fiction accepted by a literary journal (Wilderness House Literary Review).
    • I am completing The Artist’s Way (by Julia Cameron) with a good friend (we keep each other honest about morning pages and artist’s dates).

    This new path is thrilling and frightening. I spent 22 years at full-time jobs with deadlines from co-workers, clients or bosses. My work was externally driven. I was a hard worker! I produced results! I punched a time clock!

    Now, I am faced with a blank slate the days I’m not working at my “day job.” I am accountable only to myself. I must find a way to structure my days with writing, revising, researching, blogging, reading good writing, sending out my work. I must find a way to ignore the calls of dirty laundry, unmade beds or unwashed dishes.

    Thanks, La0-tzu, for helping me clarify my path. I’ll stumble along the way, and make a few wrong turns (or detours), but it’s bound to be more fun that way. Hope you’ll join me for part of the journey.