Mandy Mikulencak

Category: Blog

  • Giving Thanks for Blessings: Big and Offbeat

    Giving Thanks for Blessings: Big and Offbeat

    Welcome to a special Thanksgiving edition of A Writing Life. I noticed that since moving to Durango I’m much more aware of the blessings in my life. For one, I look at the valley and mountains EVERY DAY and am friggin’ elated that we moved here in 2003. Two, Durango is a very outdoorsy town so I’m more aware of my health – and am thankful my legs and lungs are able to move me about this gorgeous, awe-inspiring world.

    These are BIG things I’m thankful for – but there are so many things I forget to give thanks for – but I will now.

    • I am expert at wrapping gifts and making bows.
    • I can iron men’s shirts so that they look they came from the drycleaners.
    • I never get insomnia.

    At this risk of sounding like your mother at the Thanksgiving table, urging you to name one thing you’re thankful for… Share something weird or offbeat you’re thankful for that you sometimes forget about.

    • Are you a great dancer?
    • Do you tell jokes well?
    • Type 100 words or more a minute?
    • Do you know how to tie sailors’ knots?

    Have a great week and remember to wear those elastic pants on Thursday.

  • Take Anything, but Not My Blankie!

    Take Anything, but Not My Blankie!

    My niece had a cuddly toy bear she named Chubby. It was one of those soft toys made out of terry cloth. After years of loving, Chubby was worse for the wear. My sister, an excellent seamstress, fashioned a new body out of a cotton, waffle-weave baby blanket. When that “body” wore out, she sewed still another body and then another body until the baby blanket was no more.

    Today, my niece is 18 and away at college, but Chubby is still stationed on her childhood bed back at home. There’s no other way to put this: Chubby is disgusting. He’s dirty, his stuffing is falling out, there’s very little left of him. But my niece will not part with him.

    What is it about humans that makes us cling to things that are comforting even when it *might* be time to give them up? An old sweatshirt from college, a chipped coffee mug, our VHS tapes?

    We do this with our actions and emotions as well. For those of you familiar with astrology, you might remember that the Moon’s South Node in your chart represents habit patterns from childhood or from past lives; those experiences and qualities that come naturally to us, that are over-developed, and that we tend to fall back on. The North Node represents the kinds of experiences that we must work to develop in order to work with our karma, and to grow spiritually. If we over-emphasize and fall back on the qualities of our South Node, at the expense of developing our North Node, we may have a difficult time feeling personally successful.

    I have quite a few “safety blankets” that I cling to as desperately as my niece clings to Chubby. Lately however, I find myself gravitating more and more toward my North Node, the life I truly want to lead – even if the transition is scary and unknown.

    Thoughts? What’s your North Node calling you to be?

  • Living Your Life Awake

    Before moving to Durango, I was a working zombie. Each day melded into the next; routine pushed me along like an airport’s moving sidewalk. Every decision felt as if it had been made a thousand times before: wake, feed cat, exercise, shower, dress, eat, pack lunch, commute, work, commute, let cat outside, eat, watch TV, sleep, repeat. Memories of my childhood and youth in Granger, TX, and of my adult life in Houston, TX, and then Silver Spring, MD, remain muted. There’s no vibrancy or crispness to the details. That’s because I was asleep for all those years.

    Living *awake* is hard work but worth it. Staying present means appreciating the subtleties that make each day meaningful.

    I spent the last week in Texas with family. I made a conscious effort to soak in my environment, to really be in the moment. Some things I recall:

    • The pungent scent of burning incense at my uncle’s funeral, a powerful reminder of the daily masses I attended as a child.
    • A rainbow of plain tee shirts (71 of them) hung neatly in my brother’s closet.
    • The glorious first bite of the homemade Czech kolaches that my sister and I baked – for the first time – and our squeals of delight and high-fives that we’d succeeded.
    • The downy-soft hug of an elderly aunt I hadn’t seen in years.
    • The strange and uncomfortable nostalgia driving the pot-holed streets of my small hometown – recognizing some houses and landmarks, and others not at all.

    Perhaps all the rich details I noticed will find their way into a novel or short story. At least these memories are crystal clear because of choice; because I remained awake rather than shutting down.

    Are you present in your world? Do you have to work at it?

  • Time Has Come Today

    Transitions have been on my mind lately. The onset of fall color and cooler temps is one reason. Another is that a dear uncle, almost 90, is ready to die but his body hangs on. Still another reason is that I celebrate my 45th birthday later this week.

    These transitions remind me that much is out of our control including aging and death. This realization doesn’t make me sad. I’m comforted by the things I can control. Such as:

    • How I use (or waste) my talents while on this earth.
    • How I appreciate (or ignore) the universe’s plan for me.
    • How I nurture (or harm) my body and spirit.
    • How I treat (or mistreat) others.

    My new career path (writing fiction) is a daily lesson in letting go of control. I cannot force an agent to read my manuscript more quickly or to offer representation. I cannot will a publisher to be excited enough to make an offer. I cannot guarantee that readers will buy my book.

    I *can* carve out time to write and make it a priority. I can do my best every day, learn what I can, improve my craft, and enjoy the process instead of lapsing into “wait until” thinking.

    What things have you tried to control in the past and have you found ways to release that control?

    Here’s a song to get you thinking: Time Has Come Today by The Chambers Brothers and covered by the Ramones.

  • Oh Yeah, That Bird-in-Hand Thing

    Oh Yeah, That Bird-in-Hand Thing

    Yikes. There goes my goal of writing a blog post weekly. I’m going to blame my apathy on my sugar detox which has left me cranky, tired and demotivated. (Oh, my day job does that to me, too. Hmmm… is there a detox for that?)

    I’m feeling sort of poopy about writing right now. (I know, same old story!) At least there are waves of productivity to counteract the blue periods of self-doubt.

    A vice president at a major publishing house gave me phenomenal feedback on my writing during the Taos Writers’ Conference this past July. She asked what else I was working on and I described “23 Conversations before My Funeral,” a manuscript I’ve started and stopped a hundred times. She LOVED the idea and offered to review the first 100 pages when I got that far. She gave me her personal email address. Bazinga!

    So, what did I do? I jumped into writing on my young adult novel “Hannah’s Half” and didn’t touch the manuscript that interested her.

    My husband (Logical Science Man) reminded me recently that the VP is actually a bird in the hand. He wondered why I wasn’t jumping all over “23 Conversations.” I don’t know why. I’m not “feeling” it? It’s a tough story with tough themes? Crap. I don’t have the answer. But I know he’s right. And so, I started back at it again this weekend.

    Have you ever put off something you knew was in your best interest because the next steps were hard or ambiguous? How did you re-motivate yourself to do what you knew was best for your personal life or career?

    ADDENDUM: Holy sychronicities! I did a search for the bird photo for this post and downloaded the one above. Then, I just saw the page it came from: an article on procrastination! Check out this quote:

    Lack of confidence, sometimes alternating with unrealistic dreams of heroic success, often leads to procrastination, and many studies suggest that procrastinators are self-handicappers: rather than risk failure, they prefer to create conditions that make success impossible, a reflex that of course creates a vicious cycle.

  • Exposing Your Guts and Trusting You Won’t Get Kicked There

    I recently reconnected with a woman (Allison) I used to know back when we were both nonprofit executive directors. I had no idea she’d written one book and had great ideas for two others. I asked if she wanted to be part of a writers’ group and she hesitated at first.

    Seeking support can be scary because we’re putting ourselves out there, in the big wide world where criticisms can feel harsh even when given with the utmost care and respect. She’s not alone in her hesitancy. One of the women in my writers’ critique group is going through a crisis of confidence – and almost wanted to give up writing. And she’s written three books!

    Writers (and other creatives) can lead isolated existences. We can fall into troughs of self-doubt and struggle to reach those creative heights that used to bring us such joy.

    Allison finally gave in and is ready for a writers’ group and to “expose her guts.” She wrote: The joy of writing is one thing; the act of being an author is another.

    How right she is! Being an author is very different than writing. It entails seeking constructive criticism, refining our craft, growing as writers, understanding the publishing industry, slogging through writing even when we feel like never writing again.

    The great thing is we don’t have to do it alone. All it takes is trusting that the women in your circle have the same fears and dreams you have — and that they won’t kick you in your exposed gut.

    Have you found the support of others important in your life?

  • Can Dreaming Be Harmful to Your Mental Health?

    A recent and controversial blog post by literary agent Nathan Bransford cautions writers about letting their big dreams turn into expectations that are impossible to reach. He wrote: After dreams are eroded by reality, there’s a hollow place where those dreams used to reside. It doesn’t feel worth it anymore, even if you’ve achieved modest success that you should be extremely proud of, and would have made you happy if your expectations were in check.

    While most comments supported his theory, many people disagreed. One woman posted:
    Those dreams that get you through should be treated as little prayers, hopes for the future. Write with the intent that you will be famous or on Oprah’s couch. That intent acts as a goal you aspire to reach. I’m a big believer in “shoot for the stars, if you hit the moon it’s still way farther than the couch in a suburb surrounded by Stepford wives.”

    I like to dream big. Do I dream of writing a book that Oprah puts on her favorites’ list? No. But I do write out my dreams and post them on my “intentions” bulletin board. I ask the Universe to support my dreams and aspirations. And I believe we are all worthy of success.

    I do understand that Bransford is describing a point where dreams morph into unrealistic expectation. And yes, that can be harmful. But I say let’s err on the side of dreaming. It’s a lot more healthy than setting your sights lower than necessary.

    I’ll leave you with three quotes on expectation to ponder. What are your thoughts about dreaming big or setting high expectations for yourself?

    • Expectation is the root of all heartache. — Shakespeare
    • High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation. —Charles Kettering
    • We must rediscover the distinction between hope and expectation. —Ivan Illich
  • Why Not YA?

    Why Not YA?

    The YA (young adult) book market is thriving. In fact, some literary agents are only accepting YA manuscripts. The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins and the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer are two publishing phenomena that drive the rush to find YA authors and their potential blockbusters.

    Teens and young adults are savvy buyers and want literature written for them about the issues important to them. This means that authors must know how to talk (write) and behave like teenagers. It also entails skillfully addressing once-taboo subjects like sex, drugs and homosexuality because those are part of the teenage experience.

    When I was a teenager (a hundred years ago), I read what was assigned for English class (books like Lord of the Flies and 1984) but not much else.

    • What books did you read as a teenager and were they written specifically for a younger market?
    • As an adult, do you read young adult novels? Why?
  • Do You Get Mileage Points for Flying by the Seat of Your Pants?

    Do You Get Mileage Points for Flying by the Seat of Your Pants?

    August seemed to go out like a deflated balloon. I haven’t had a lot of energy the past week for writing, or much else for that matter. I’m glad the summer is over – too much travel away from my beloved Durango. I’m hoping the fall brings with it some renewed energy and a chance to nest during my favorite season of the year in Colorado.

    Regarding the writing life, the second book is coming along although not as quickly as I had hoped. To keep me on track during the writing of the first book, I used a storyboard (see photo) to mark progress and to outline. I started a similar storyboard for the second novel and am doing much more outlining of plot on this book.

    My question to you is whether you consider yourself a planner (outliner, list-maker) or more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type person. Or are you a little of both depending on whether it’s your personal or work life? I definitely fall into the category of planner/list-maker but hope to be more of the ‘fly-by’ type with some practice.

    Off to make my list of favorite fall activities. Notice I didn’t write ‘chores.’

  • The Death of Subtlety in Books and Film

    The Death of Subtlety in Books and Film

    I’m a big fan of old black and white movies, particularly those starring Kathryn Hepburn. The other night I stayed up watching “Without Love,” a comedy with Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. I knew that they’d end up together in the end, but I wanted to SEE it! At 11:30 p.m., I started to regret staying up so late… then, at last, witty, rapid-fire dialogue about how they’d fallen for each other. The finale: they hug. Hug? Where’s the passionate kiss? Well, there’s the subtlety in these old films. “Philadelphia Story” with Hepburn and Cary Grant is the same way. There’s innuendo and some titillation but it’s up to the viewers to use their imaginations rather than have the directors include explicit love scenes.

    As a writer, I faced a similar dilemma recently. My current protagonist, an 18-year-old psychic/medium starts seeing the ghost of a teen boy who’d been killed in a tragic car accident. She learns that she and this guy have shared numerous lifetimes together – including lives as adults who’ve had sexual relationships. While they don’t remember exact details of those lives, they know they’ve ‘done the deed,’ so to speak. They consider trying to have a sexual relationship as human and ghost. I deliberately wrote these scenes without being in-your-face explicit.

    People knock Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight trilogy for its archaic, prudish treatment of the two main protagonists who wait to have sex. In the last movie, “Eclipse,” there’s a scene in Edward’s bedroom where they consider having sex. It’s sexier than many of the films I’ve seen with outright coitus and full nudity. “Cold Mountain” is another great example of showing an intensely passionate relationship between two people without looking between the sheets.

    I believe we’ve lost subtlety in describing passion, suspense and horror. Books and films beat us over the head until we no longer feel the building emotion.

    Do you agree or disagree? Would love to hear your thoughts.